Yesterday I went back to the Dr for the first time since discontinuing the Metformin. I have been a little depressed and discouraged for a couple months but I am now starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Doc has me taking Provera, which I will start tommorrow, to bring on AF. Hopefully by the first week of May she will be here. Days 3-7 I will take Clomid. I will continue this for 3 months and I will go back in, in July, but hopefully it will be sooner and for another reason! ; )

My doc was so surprised I knew so much. When he was telling me he was going to give me something to bring on AF and I said "Provera?" He looked at me like WOW! He said it is good to know what is going on and is glad I have taken the time to research and educate myself because alot of woman have no idea!

DH is so awsome though all of this and he is just more relaxed and feels better whe he sees that I am feeling more positive and upbeat about the whole thing. For someone who told my mother "he cant make girls" (lol this was a couple years ago when he wanted a boy and nothing else(before TTC)) Now all he wants is a girl! I know he will be ecstatic either way but once his neice was born and he saw how delicate and beautiful they are it made him want one! Now his sister is having a girl and is due in June so he will get some good "girl" Practice!

Taking a little break....

Not from TTC, just from all the other aditives that drive me freaking insane. I am already on day 62 again. 7 days until my next Dr. appt and I can't wait. I am hoping and praying it is time for Clomid!

I was at a wedding shower this past weekend and DH's cousins wife and I got to talking and I learned she has had some issues herself and actually got pg with her DS on cycle 2 of Clomid. That let me be a little more hopeful of Clomid, since I have mostly heard good results from it, but knowing my luck it won't do shit for me!

I have just been down and depressed about the whole thing and have actually talked myself into not charting or chatting on GP. It just makes me feel worse. No offense to any of the ladies cause they are God sent! It's just a personal decision. I do lurk ;) once in awhile, just not all day everyday!

I will still be blogging when I think of it and I am still around if anyone is wondering how I am. Just shoot me a PM or comment on here! GL to all of you!

Time to relax

It is finally Friday! I have been waiting for this day all week! I also cant wait for my Dr. appt on April 15th. Thur morning I woke up to some bleeding. It was bright red and had a large clot so I figured it was AF and was actually happy that I had a cycle less than 80 days! Well...as the day went on nothing else happened, dry as the desert. WTF! So I changed that to spotting in FF instead of light and it gave me back my damn cycle.

No plans for the weekend except a nail appt tommorrow morning. I like not having plans. DH and I can go w/ the flow and do whatever we want. I do want to get to Old Navy and get in some retail therapy.

This is a pic of the gift we gave DH's pg sister. The pic was before I wrapped the celophane and added a pretty bow. As you can see she is having a girl, Mackenzie Rose. I do not like it but hey, not my choice!

Monday, again!

Life is on a plateau right now. Sometimes I feel like it's standing still and everyday is the same things over and over again.

However, I am very, very proud of myself. I had mentioned on Friday that DH wanted to go to Babies R' Us to get some things for his pg sister. I did not cry once! We ended up getting a pink tub and a bunch of stuff to put in it and I wrapped it in cellophane. I took a pic before it was wrapped but it's on the camera still. We gave it to her on Saturday when she had come by and she was genuinely happy and hugged us. Her and I have been getting along a lot better these days, but we also did when she was pg with her DS and then after it all went to hell in a hand basket.

I was sad to the core but DH was being very supportive. Telling me it would be our turn soon and showing me the things he liked for when it is our turn! DH and I had been on eggshells for a couple days. He works 2 jobs and sometimes he just gets aggravated and takes it out on me. I pretty much told him off on Saturday morning and things have been so much better since then. sometimes those men just need a good kick in the junk!

Still trying

After talking with my Dr. last week he decided to take me off of the Metformin. He said that I should not have been that sick and I could possibly be allergic to something in it. This is the best thing that has happened to me in the past month! Although it is going to be harder for me to naturally regulate myself, at least I can do it without feeling like poop.

We are still trying even though chances of ovulation are very slim. I go back to the Dr. next month and hopfully he will have another idea for me.

Everything happens for a reason and everthing in life has a purpose. Our time will come, I have confident of that. I just hope it will be sooner than later!

(untitled)

I have been feeling the wrath of Metformin for way to long and I can no longer keep on this face that I am ok. After over a month on it and being sick 24/7 I had a breakdown last night.

I am physically and mentally exhausted. It's not that I don't want to do anything and everything I can to become pregnant, but this is just to much to put myself through. DH talked me into waiting to see the Dr. I have come so long already that what's another couple days at this point and of course I called to make an appt and they are closed on Thursdays, just my luck! So I will be calling 1st thing tommorrow morning. Hopefully there is something to counteract the side effects or something else I can take in the place of Metformin. If not I think I am just going to forgo it and TTC naturally.

If it is meant to be then it will happen whether it is now or months from now. I want to be able to live my life and not have to be couped up at home because I am afraid of getting sick everywhere I go! I havent been able to go and have a nice time out with DH for over 3 weeks now and I feel bad for him.

DH has been more than supportive and was so kind and conciderate last night when I was breakingdown. He keeps asking what he can do to help, and the truth is that there isnt anything anyone other than the Dr. and myself can do. I told him to just love me and be there for me emotionally and that is all I need from him right now, O and his little swimmers! lol.

Starting over

I was more than enthused when AF actually came my way...finally after a 80 some odd day cycle, and I am even more thrilled to not be bleeding at all! Not even spotting! So today I started to temp again. I am hoping and praying I finally see that temp jump and some CH's after about 6 months of charting!!

The side effects are becoming more mild (knock on wood!). I can eat without running to the bathroom. It's nice to be able to go places with DH even if its just the grocery store. This weekend I am having a Pampered Chef show. It will be the first time any of my family has seen our cute little humble abode. I have tommorrow off to bring my lil pooch to the vet and to clean and get ready for company.

The whole being pg thing has been bothering me more lately. I am trying to keep my brave face on for DH but in reality everytime I see a little bundle of joy I wanna ball my eyes out. DH just keeps telling me "It will happen when its meant to happen." I wanna beleive that so bad but its just so hard to beleive. I feel like my time will never come!

But enough "whoa is me" shit....this is my last day of work this week and then another nice 3 day weekend with the hubby!

So here it is! I am blonde again. I am still getting used to it and I am not sure I like it all that much. I'm just so used to being brunette. Don't I look so enthused in these pics! lol It was in my driveway before I left for work, so im still half asleep!

I have been feeling a little better. Still nauseas as hell but I have been getting hungry, which I haven't felt in weeks, and haven't been sick (knock on wood) for 2 whole days! Saturday I am suppossed to up my dose for the last time but I think I will wait until sunday. I do not want to be having a wonderful valentines night w/ DH and get sick in the middle of it! We will see....

I have to get to work now, not that there is much to do but I have to pretend! Thanks for the thoughts!

Metformin is kicking my A$$!!

Day 15 on Metformin, Day 5 of my 1000mg dose. I thought the nausea and diarrhea was bad on 500mg, boy was I in for a surprise! I expected to feel it the first couple days but not like I did. I was pretty much couch bound all weekend due to these side effects.

The only good news is, is that after a 80 some odd (I lost count!!) day cycle I think I finally have AF. I dont feel like it is a "normal" period but it is a consistant flow and I think that is all that it needs to qualify!

One another note, DH is finally done with school, well almost. He had his test yesterday but missed one manouver. No one in his class passed the test, and he was told in the begining the chances of passing the first try is very rare. He will be scheduled again in a week or so and will only have to re-do the one manouver he missed, which is good. But he was expexctedly upset and felt bad. I am so proud of him no matter what the situation. I'm just glad to have my husband back on the weekends!

I just got an email from out wedding photographer. She has finished the albumn and I already viewed it but I will view it over with DH this evening and let her know of any changes or anything. I am so excited! It looks so awsome!

Another day, another dollar

CD77, no woman should ever have to go this long! Day 4 on the Metformin and I started to feel it last night. I had some nausea and diarrhea that carried into this morning, but it is a normal side effect.

On a better note...I FINALLY got my Wii Fit. DH works for Sears and they got 3 in their shipment this week so he bought one as soon as he saw it! I love it. Other than the fact that it called both DH and I obese. lol We both know we are out of shape, well round is a shape so I guess its not to bad!! I only tried a couple things but it seems very challenging and I am excited to try to use it everyday. I want to get the Giallian Michaels workout for the WiiFit. She will kick my ass!!!

I am feeling better about the Dx. I think God has a plan for me. I beleive everything happens for a reason. All I can do is leave it in high power. We are not putting anything on hold. We plan to still TTC. I am hoping once I loose a couple pounds my Ovaries will pop one of those badass eggs out!

Im out....gotta go SOME kind of work...or at least bang out some pages on my book! lol!

Follow up to 1/26 Dr. appt.

So it's finally official. I have PCOS. I think I have already come to terms with it because I have always had these problems. My Dr. seemed very hopeful and pro-active about the situation. I mentioned the charting and he told me it is a good way to keep track of ovulation and insemination and also eventually pregnany. Either way he didnt seem to into it or to against it so that made me feel better. He explained my bloodwork and my ultrasound results, and showed me what my ovaries look like compared to "normal" ovaries.

Seeing mr Dr. be so hopeful makes me more hopeful then when I went in. He put me on Metformin. 500mg x10 days, 1000mg x10 days, 1500mg x10 days, and then 1500mg x30 days. I am, however, looking forward to the weight loss that he promised should happen!! Once I have been on the Metformin for a couple months he is going to give me something else. It began with a G but I can't think of the name of it. It's to stimulate O.

DH is taking this rather well. He 1st of all wants me to be healthy. I am so lucky to have such a supportive, patient man by my side! I know he wants to be a daddy just as much as I want to be a mommy but he would rather me be all straightened out before I have a little one to chace after. We definatly are not putting anything on hold, however!! We will be going full force cause you never know when that sneaky lil bastart of an egg will pop out of there!

I go back in April to see how things are going and to be put on that other Rx. The one thing that makes me sad is by the time April rolls around it will almost be a year that we have been trying and it's crazy to think about! But this is now a novel and I need to start my day at work!

::sigh:: Today is the day

I have been waiting for this day for a couple of months, but it feels as though it has been forever! I need to know wth is going on with my body. At this point I dont care what the results are as long as I know and can move forward with treatment or something!

Today is also the day that DH's sister found out the sex of her baby. Now just to make this longer, she is the type of person who always gets her way, no matter what she has to do or who she has to hurt or piss off. She always has to feel as though she has everone's attention even if in reality they don't give two shits! So, with her first child, who is DH's godson who we love more than anything in the world (he is 3 now), she pretty much announced she was pregnant when their cousin and his fiancee had their baby. She wanted the attention and to her surprise everyone was more happy for the new baby! Ok, anyway, since she announced her 2nd pregnancy(around Thanksgiving) she has been saying its a girl...blah blah blah...because her first was a boy and now she wants a girl...so I was hoping and praying for it to be a boy, just to shut her the F up! But no....I get a text at 11 am..."It's a girl :)"......... ::slams head on anything possible:: now I want to punch her in the face!

So now I have to sit here for another 3 1/2 hours waiting to leave work for my appointment, where I am most likely going to hear that I am going to have to try hard to get pregnant.

O well....I guess life isnt always peachy. Slackers get shit easy and the people who bust their ass have to work for everything! Super!

CD freaking 64!!

This is just abosolutly ridiculous! I had a couple days of spotting but no feelings of AF. I knew before charting that I was not getting AF every month but every other or every 3 or 4 or 5 months, But now that I am waiting (and can see through charting what is going on or isnt going on) and waiting for AF or just ovulation, it is making me absolutly bonkers! I have been trying to not be so over bearing with it, not talk about it constantly, trying to plan a NY trip in the spring, just anything to keep my mind off of it. I CAN'T. There are babies and pregnant bitches everywhere!!! There will be no end to this so I must stop!